[Dyre Straits]

New Darwin Awards - 2005

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the
Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then,
are the glorious winners.


1. Darwin Award Winner: When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his
intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber
James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a! $! 20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime
committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The
whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 9! 11! immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
t! he! scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that
it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Um, don't think they heard about McDonalds though...



EDIT: #9 was much smarter than MY Burger King helper.

[pr0digal jenius]

HAHAHA...#9 is funny because that is such an ovious lie, there's a "No Sale" button on ALL registers.

#10 is just sad, always smell before syphoning

#8, well, he deserved it

my favorite, however, is #3 by a long shot. Bitch deserved it

[IvanV]

#3 rules!
And the winner is a classic! Not too original, but still great!

[OldBuzzard]

Methinks that #10 is BS. That story has been around since the mid 1970's.

It seems to 're-surface' every two years or so.

[Vikingod]

The Darwin Awards are great. Haven't seen them in a few years, but its a welcomed return. Personally, I don't know or care if any of them are real (some probably are, as I have seen new links to the stories).

[pr0digal jenius]

most are true, actually. I useta have a Darwin Awards day by day calendar with references to all fo them.


Best one ever:

Couple is having sex in their bedroom one night and all of a sudden their skylight breaks, and a man, who had apparently been watching and "particpating with himself" judging by hand position and his lack of pants, fell through the skylight and was impailed on the post of their 4 post bed.

[riles9262]

#3 is definitely the best

that one's great too pj