[Son_of_Thunder]

I've been seeing this girl for half a year now. Simply put, her dad fucked up. He got himself put in jail for something that he didn't need to do, and now he's trying to force his problems on her. On top of that we have a crappy job, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that gives her as much as she gives to others. She loves without bounds, but most of the people she loves just suck it up and don't give anything back.

Today she moved to Florida (the opposite end of the US) and I don't know if she's coming back. She's simply not happy here, but I don't want to lose her. We're staying together for now, because she's coming home for Christmas, but after that, if she goes back down there, it's for good.

I've got a few people who've invited me to room down there with them, but I've never met them face to face, and they're quite a bit younger/less mature than I am, so I don't know if I'd want to do that.

To top it all off, she told me she was leaving only two weeks ago. The next day I came down with some sort of illness. I've been coughing blood on and off, passing out etc. It's hard for me to stand a lot of times, and I just found out my dad has cut off my insurance without telling me (I had until the 31st of December) so seeing a doc isn't possible. The fact that I feel fine doesn't help much. So the times I've gotten to hang out with her it's like I'm not sick at all.

She took that as me being angry at her and not wanting to be with her for her last two weeks up here. I'm not angry at her at all. I'm angry at her dad for forcing a hard situation on her, and I'm angry at myself for not doing enough to make her want to stay here, but I'm in no way angry at her.

I'm not sure this girl was the love of my life, but she's the love in my life. I've been crying on and off without realizing it for the last couple of hours.

God, this sucks.

[CDsDontBurn]

if you love her so much, take the opportunity to go w/florida with these people that have invited you into their home. use it as a step towards finding a job and later your own apartment or something to live on your own along w/your gf. then that way, you can be away from all of the issues going on at home, and be happy together; away from everybody else

[Son_of_Thunder]

I don't know if I'm gutsy enough to do that. I'm tempted to do so, and the other option she's considered is staying down there until March. In that case I would go down and visit her for a week or so at some point. If she decides to stay down there perm, then I'll consider more drastic options.

Plus, and you may be the only one who knows what I'm talking about, she hasn't said it back yet :/

[CDsDontBurn]

just because she hasn't said it back, doesn't mean that she doesn't. And because of this, she could be like some girls out there who aren't used to so much positive attention that it just gets to them to a point where they don't know what it actually feels like when they really are.

just my two cents

[Falstaff]

for better or for worse man, you gotta believe that she made a decision based on her own value system and what is important to her, you can rationalize this one but it is only mental masturbation, you need to get the truth from her or accept the situation and get over it, if you dont, you will continue to remain in a manic loop and never really be happy...
I have three ex wives and lots of ex girlfriends, and I loved most of them, your young...
Enjoy your life man and hang on to your own dreams and if she really loves you she will come back...
It hurts brother....
it really really does....
but you have to be flexible and bend a little and go with the flow like a reed in the stream, if not you will never get over it and grow into a better person...
Life is about change...
and we never seem to learn from the really good experiences...just the bad ones...
write about your feelings, write her a letter, if she returns it or writes you back, you are no lesser of a person...

[GutterPunk]

Love makes you do crazy things

let love take its course

[Falstaff]

Originally Posted by GutterPunk

Love makes you do crazy things

let love take its course

Aint it the truth Greg...

but then you go through women like I go through bags of candy...LOL

j/k

[Son_of_Thunder]

I think the problem may be that I bend too much Jeff. I think that she may have wanted me to fight for her to stay, and I didn't do enough. I almost always have gone with the "whatever makes you happy" line. Sometimes I feel like I have to show some balls and be a man about things. The problem is that there's still so much I want to experience with her, I don't want to screw things up.

At least she's leaving at a busy time. After this week I won't have any time to think about it.

EDIT

Going with what I was talking about with CDs, this has been my motto so far:

"Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."

[CDsDontBurn]

"whatever makes you happy" has worked with me as well. but sometimes you find that to be a catch 22. the only reason is because what would make the other person happy is whatever you decide yourself

[BWX]

Bummer dude.

That's all I can say.

[g35x]

ill save myself some typeing-love sux

[Falstaff]

love if it is truly love is worth fighting for....
but then...
you are only half of the whole equation...
is she worth fighting for really.....
and does she want you too...
love is strange...
hang in there...

[pr0digal jenius]

This is one of those times when you're weighing your options based on past experiences, and the dizzying highs just barely outweigh the soul crushing lows(such as your current situation), isn't it? Having been together six monthes also makes it hard, as "love" (that warm happy feeling that amounts to nothing mroe then a 'fling') can last as much as 2 years or so before you find out whether it's truly love or not.

As for her not saying "it" (that big holy grail fo relationships) back yet, I'd take that 2 ways. Firstly, and this is a very good thing, she doesn't throw it around lightly. She wants it to mean something when she says it, and is looking for it to last, as opposed to using it as a ticket to your testicles so she can drag you through the thorn bushes and syphon your savings account. Secondly though, I'd seriously think about why it is she hasn't said it yet. There's always the chance that she just isn't ready yet, and it has nothing to do with you. Or there's always the chance that you haven't really been listening/taking note of "signals". I for one find myself guilty of this fairly often, so trust me when i say that you won't even realize you've done it until it's a bit late.

At this point though, I think the 2 of you should sit down and talk (when she comes back, do it in person. It means NOTHING in emails or over the phone) and figure out what page both of you are on, and hopefully get on the same page. And also, this sounds corny as hell, while yer at it, make a point to tell each other things about your past/yourself the other doesn't know. Like i said, it may seem lame, but you'll have no damn clue where you're going til you know where each has been.

And now that i've written you a bloody thesis, I'll leave you with this:
Love makes you do crazy shit. Period. Accept it, and pull up your sleeves, and if you truly love her, get crackin. Doing things your comfortable with won't cut it. Don't buy roses, look for one and when giving it to her explain how you picked it out because it was perfect. On your way home one night(assuming you drive and not her), pull into a big empty field and go lay and watch the stars...for no real reason what so ever..."just because".

Love's like anything else, your gunna fall before you fly...bring your helmet.

[Son_of_Thunder]

Well, here's the history on saying "it."

When we were together for about 2 months I slipped and said it. I wanted to not say it so quickly, but it just slipped. She said she wasn't ready to say it back. I accepted that because I wasn't ready to say it.

Three weeks ago I said it a second time. This time she cried for just a second, leaned over, kissed me and said thank you. The way I read that is that she knew she was leaving and wasn't sure where our relationship would go, and wasn't going to go through the possiblity of breaking both of our hearts. If she says it, I take that as commitment on both ends. If she never says it, well, how hard can you mourn for someone who doesn't love you?

[pr0digal jenius]

Originally Posted by Son_of_Thunder

how hard can you mourn for someone who doesn't love you?

I think that if you love them, you'll find that to be a moot point at first. It will keep you from dwelling on it, but it'll still suck.

[Yousaif]

I'm not saying this to be mean or cruel, but the only way that I would move that far to chase after a woman is if I was already married to her. The fact that the last time you said that you loved her she cried and said "thank-you" is a sure sign to me that the relationship wasn't going well.

IF she comes back for x-mas and IF she begs you to move and IF after the month+ away from her you still feel the same way then there may be a chance, otherwise she may just be doing this to get away from her "old life," of which you were a part.

This sucks for you, I know because I have been there myself. The girl ended up meeting a guy in Florida eho was from Boston. They now are happily married and have a few kids. Word has it she doubled her body weight, and I am happy with my life and my wife whom I met about 4 years later.

Good luck!

[merlinxi]

I know how you feel man. Woman can just shut it off with men, and it's not right. It has happened to me. The reality is, you may not want to hear this, you will meet someone again, develop more then likely a better love with that person. Love is something that is just not there, it's developed, nutered and worked at. If this girl just does what she does, did she really love you that much? Is she really worth it at this point? I am a type of guy that will latch onto a girl until she calls it off, I can never break up with that person. No matter how screwed up there life is, or how many problems they have. The funny part is, they end it with me. You always think to yourself, didn't I do enough for her, didn't I care for her enough, how could she do this to me? You can rip yourself apart thinking. Just don't. IF you know in your heart you did a right in the relationship and treated her well, then you can't do anything more then just to sulk, think about it and then forget. There are many woman out there looking for a husband, you will find one again if this doesn't work out. Remember love is just not "there", you have to develop it. Yes it sucks to lose something you worked at, but it always can be developed again.

I don't celebrate the holidays at all, because of my religous background. I will say this: The holidays should never be an excuse or holding point for seeing someone or spending time with someone, there are 364 others days of the year besides that one. It shouldn't have to be on that one day, or that day should not drive someone to you; it should come from her heart or her feelings that she wants to see you, not because of Christmas.

[Vikingod]

Sounds pretty rough man, I've been there. Follow her if you really think it will make a difference. Odds are, it probably wont. She's doing what she's doing for her own regards, not for yours, or her father, or anyones. Why reciprocate? Dont let the romance and story cloud your good judgement. Reading your story without emotional attatchment, it seems like there is a whole lot of baggage there. I dont know if this is true, but its my experience with similare stories that a driving force in attraction is the idea that one party can "fix" the other. I will tell you, this is pure fiction, and cannot happen. It scares me how much you sound like myself a few years ago. While I wont pertend to know your exact situation, i will say, turn away from that path, all that resides are torment and doubt.

Personally, I spend 4 years loving someone, to find out romance and ideals are best left in novels, and another 2+ years trying to forget it. in retrospect, I had the idea that I could in some way fix her, and that would in turn fix ME with my problems. Of course, it didnt work, only created more problems, and when I look back, it makes me cringe. Did I love her? Sure I did. Was it worth it? Hell no! This is something I didn't realize untill I got a bit of self respect and noticed the mess I avoided by its end.

When you get older, and have different experiences, the idea of a relationship is a bit different. Love is certainly not the driving force in an adult relationship. Sounds pretty bad/sad/hardened, but I'm convinced its true. Not that love doesnt play a major role, but many other things come into play. Love is not an absolute without the other parts. Is it worth it? do you know her as well as you think? Do you know what she is going to be like in 5,10,15 years finacially/mentally/her motivation? While all that seems to matter now is the love aspect, there other things tend to rear their heads in the future, and can make a real mess when they dont meet your or her expectations.

[merlinxi]

I don't care what anyone says. Whethever your 20 or 50 years old, you can have a great relationship. It can be romantic, it can by sexual, it can be fun. Age does not make a difference, never really has for me. As I said, it is WHAT YOU ARE HER make it. 2 50 year olds can act like they are 15, two 15 year olds can act like they are 50. It doesn't matter. Love is what you make it, not what your salary is, what you do, how old you are, how many kids you have. It is what you make it, and how you work at it. A lot of advice you get from people who have been hurt will naturally be more cruel, people who have found a good love will be more gentle. "Have fun, don't get buggled down." This phrase I am sorry to say, pissed me off many of a time. What the hell happens if I want to be with a same person? WHy would I want to have meangless sex, or kiss many girls that have no meaning to it?? I want something that was more whole and more loving. My girlfriend and I had some problems I broke up with her, she broke up with me. THen we got back together and now working out our problems, tlaking more, communicating more. You can always take nothing and make it to something. YOU make the chemistry, the chemistry isn't "just there." Love is tough, love is "sad", and yes love does suck. Don't let people bog you down and say "things change when you get older." SCREW THAT. You can have the same healthy fun relationship until the day you die. It just depends on you two whether or not you want it to go sour. I know many people who still act like they are 20, and love there relationship so much it would sicken you. Believe me man, things can work out. YOu have to work at it. If you want this girl then tell her you do, and tell her you are willing to talk about things. If you want to start ANEW then DO SO. You can't wait for her, at that point it's just not worth it. It will make you sick, I have been there and know.

[Falstaff]

tis true, some of my best relationships were purely driven by a need for companionship and just lust....
these women are still my friends....
and when you look like Drew Carey..
you take what you can get...LOL

[The_Neon_Cowboy]

Talk To Her About It,... The End

[merlinxi]

If she is willing...The end.

[Son_of_Thunder]

Originally Posted by The_Neon_Cowboy

Talk To Her About It,... The End

Right now I'm waiting until she comes back to talk to her. I don't want to do it over the phone. Plus, if she comes back and decides to stay, then heck, good for us, if not, depending on how long she's going to be down there we'll decide where to go from there.

When she left I told her, "Well, it's only a month. I can wait that long if you can." If she's going to be down there for six or more months then I think I may say "Well, look me up when you get back." but in nicer terms.

This relationship is more companionship driven than anything else. To me she's my best friend, my romance, and my entertainment. We are both still virgins (two young people, virgins at 20, wow, that doesn't happen much nowadays) and we haven't even made out in the modern sense. We have fun around each other and make each other laugh. Half of the things we say seem to be 1 or 1000 recycled inside jokes.

If she stays down there, it wouldn't break me to lose her, but I sure would be bored. (On a second read through. That sounded really shallow. It was meant as a joke.)

She just uploaded this pic btw:



No, she's not a nurse, that's just an old shirt

EDIT

Yousaif, my mom grew up in Wyoming, MI. It's not too far from me, and even closer to another-user.