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Jun 15, 2005, 10:08 PM
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#1
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Like a Fish
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern California
Posts: 19,495
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feeling lost...
Feeling lost. You never know what to do. No matter how hard you try, you are always being kept being pushed back, into despair.
You are lost. You are who you are, there is no doubt about that. You are talented, you are masterful, you are gifted. That is who you are. Yet with your skills, you still feel so very small. So powerless. You yern for opportunity. It never presents itself. When it does, it is not what you want.
You are consumed by everything around you. You only know of one way out. You feel the best way out, is to become nothing more than a memory. Being a memory you feel is the best way to solve everything. Being a memory will mean you will have nothing, that you will be nobody. But what does it matter what you will be, if that is what you are right now? Yet you do not want to be a memory. You realize that you still have friends and family around you that love you. These people enjoy your company. You enjoy their company.
The only person you feel that challenges you is your own father. You feel that he is the cause of all your problems. You feel that because of him, you cannot do what you want, what you desire. He wants says he wants what is best for you. You want this as well. But then, the feeling of being lost consumes you once again. Feeling lost. Feeling alone.
The only thing that makes you happy, that makes you feel like you are somebody or something is spending money. What good does that do you if you have none to spend? Going to school is the only way to make more money to give you that money to spend. That is where it all lies in. All your problems. All your worries. Again, you are lost....
You have truly loved somebody in the past. You betrayed that love, by seeing a different person. That different person ruined your whole life. You regret what you have done. Your true love has now met somebody else. You are jealous. You are enraged. You are angry. You have no hope for finding the perfect person once again. All you have are just the memories of that person you loved. You remember her touch, her laugh, her eyes, her love for you, and your love for her. You joke about her on the outside, yet on the inside, you are deeply hurt by your petty nuisance.
A tear runs down your cheek as you write this, as you read this, as you edit this. Sitting in front of this screen reading, writing, listening to your message that is soon to be posted. Again, you are lost. You know what you need, yet it is impossible for you to grasp. You know what you desire, but it is not there for you to obtain. You feel that the only way out, it to be nothing more than a memory...
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Jun 15, 2005, 10:23 PM
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#2
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Pax Modder, Pax Expert
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: S.S. Marie, Mi
Posts: 4,675
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Is that a Poem?
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Jun 15, 2005, 10:26 PM
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#3
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Like a Fish
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern California
Posts: 19,495
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no, that is me.
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Jun 15, 2005, 10:31 PM
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#4
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Pax Modder, Pax Expert
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: S.S. Marie, Mi
Posts: 4,675
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Chear up then  I thought it was poem it sound very good |
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Jun 15, 2005, 10:36 PM
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#5
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Like a Fish
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern California
Posts: 19,495
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no, not a poem. just how i feel ATM....well, past 5 or 6 months or so TBH =\
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Jun 15, 2005, 10:42 PM
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#6
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Infinity
Posts: 3,682
Rep Power: 0
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get a grip!
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Jun 15, 2005, 11:02 PM
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#7
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VETUS INFLATIO
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Red Lodge UK
Posts: 15,988
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by CDsDontBurn
no, not a poem. just how i feel ATM....well, past 5 or 6 months or so TBH =\
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been there mate...hang in there
remind yourself who and what you have absolute control over
and then with grace find the courage to do the things you can..
and the wisdom to know the difference...
we are but star dust mate....
we were not born with much and we will leave this world with just as much...
live for today.. |
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Jun 15, 2005, 11:04 PM
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#8
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Like a Fish
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern California
Posts: 19,495
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by fallang_jeff
live for today..
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what about for tomorrow? |
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Jun 15, 2005, 11:12 PM
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#9
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Anti-Piracy Poster Boy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,386
Rep Power: 30
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Sounds like you're in high school. You'll get over it.
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Jun 15, 2005, 11:25 PM
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#10
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DriverHeaven Winner
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 293
Rep Power: 0
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Such bliss.
Last edited by Bruuce; Jun 16, 2005 at 10:05 PM.
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Jun 16, 2005, 12:00 AM
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#11
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Floatin'...
Posts: 4,958
Rep Power: 37
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by [zi0n]aXe
get a grip!
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Ha! Strangely I remember not too long a certain someone posted a thread about his suspicions with his gf "messing" with other guys, being dishonest about it and not knowing what to do. Can't quite remember who it was though. Pretty ironic and yet very amusing, I think...   |
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Jun 16, 2005, 12:44 AM
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#12
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Like a Fish
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern California
Posts: 19,495
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by YAYitsAndrew
Sounds like you're in high school. You'll get over it.
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still in high school??? Ya right.....i graduated HS 3yrs. ago. I'm 21, turning 22 in a few months. |
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Jun 16, 2005, 01:26 AM
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#13
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I Have lovely Breasts
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In the closet...
Posts: 5,394
Rep Power: 38
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driver heaven...the new blogging community
haha
no but seriously I get what you mean. I'm having some similar issues and with my brother gone now I just dont know........
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Jun 16, 2005, 01:29 AM
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#14
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Burned
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 29,782
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Loss, love, anger, regret. its all such an integral part of life, experiences and growing.
Keep the chin up.
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Jun 16, 2005, 01:36 AM
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#15
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Floatin'...
Posts: 4,958
Rep Power: 37
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Jun 16, 2005, 01:53 AM
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#16
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Like a Fish
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern California
Posts: 19,495
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keep the chin up.....it's all i can do. gotta take it one day at a time i guess. so hard to do....
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Jun 16, 2005, 02:11 AM
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#17
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watching 1080i
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: April 13th 2029
Posts: 19,435
Rep Power: 75
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CDsDontBurn
Sounds like a night (or year maybe?) I had when I was 17 yrs old- I am 33 now (in a few weeks)...
Go out with your friends. Get drunk. Have fun.. Be a kid- Listen to music, the same songs will sound different, yet comforting.
BUT- don't self destruct.
Find a new girl... try not to repeat mistakes already made, learn from them. Look forward, don't make the mistake of looking back and losing respect.
20 years from now you will realize you are better off finding out certain things earlier in life, whether you caused the conflict or someone else did, you will be stronger and wiser in the end. Expect to feel this way again, but the next time you will be more prepared- and you may or may not learn new lessons.
You teach people how to treat you. Sometimes, they teach you how to treat them, and it isn't always pleasant, sometimes it may even be temporarily devastating... but you will survive, learn, and grow.
Growing up sucks kid!! but it's worth it. Just try not to lose perspective in the process, doing that destroys many people.
Last edited by BWX; Jun 16, 2005 at 02:18 AM.
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Jun 16, 2005, 02:20 AM
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#18
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Demonic
Join Date: May 2002
Location: In the cold, dark north...
Posts: 5,121
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I agree completly with BWX here, things can seem very hard at the moment. And the mistakes you've made and the way you feel, i believe we all have experienced in a way. But that's life and it's alot better going through these things at a relative young age and actually learn something from it then doing it when older. The consequences can be alot more serious later on in life.
Cheer up mate! Life goes on, this I promise you. |
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Jun 16, 2005, 02:33 AM
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#19
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Like a Fish
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern California
Posts: 19,495
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by BWX
CDsDontBurn
Sounds like a night (or year maybe?) I had when I was 17 yrs old- I am 33 now (in a few weeks)...
Go out with your friends. Get drunk. Have fun.. Be a kid- Listen to music, the same songs will sound different, yet comforting.
BUT- don't self destruct.
Find a new girl... try not to repeat mistakes already made, learn from them. Look forward, don't make the mistake of looking back and losing respect.
20 years from now you will realize you are better off finding out certain things earlier in life, whether you caused the conflict or someone else did, you will be stronger and wiser in the end. Expect to feel this way again, but the next time you will be more prepared- and you may or may not learn new lessons.
You teach people how to treat you. Sometimes, they teach you how to treat them, and it isn't always pleasant, sometimes it may even be temporarily devastating... but you will survive, learn, and grow.
Growing up sucks kid!! but it's worth it. Just try not to lose perspective in the process, doing that destroys many people.
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I feel like i am on the verge of blowing up. Like i am going to snap. I don't know what i will do, how i will act and react to the situation. I am not a person who gets mad easily. I am a person who just keeps everything inside myself. All of that which i have kept inside of me, sometimes i feel it starting to come out. I manage to keep myself under control, but there is always the possibility that someday i will lose it. That is what makes me most afraid...
I have been seeing this new girl for a few weeks already. she is pretty cool. she is older than me though, i do not mind that. she is however going through a divorce and her life is just as messed up as mine, actually, hers is moreso than mine. I see her go through all of the pain she has gone through, and is going through, and see how far along she has come. I admire her for that. But because she is going through what she is going through right now, she is not looking for a relationship, and i understand that. I just don't want to be looking for a relationship and find myself having lost a bunch of time with somebody who is not interested right now.
I don't have a whole lot of friends, and getting drunk by yourself is not the funnest way to do so. I like to talk to somebody when i am drinking. It's not fun otherwise.
I treat people with respect, and i expect that back. If they do not, then i do not.
Mistakes i do learn from. My mistake was one that i will never do again. It saddens me everytime i think of her. All the fun times we had together, everything i did for her, everything she did for me. I wonder how she is doing today.
Oh, and Geminiwave.....i don't have a blog thingy, so i don't have anywhere to blog but here  . |
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Jun 16, 2005, 02:36 AM
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#20
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Like a Fish
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern California
Posts: 19,495
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Asmoday
I agree completly with BWX here, things can seem very hard at the moment. And the mistakes you've made and the way you feel, i believe we all have experienced in a way. But that's life and it's alot better going through these things at a relative young age and actually learn something from it then doing it when older. The consequences can be alot more serious later on in life.
Cheer up mate! Life goes on, this I promise you. |
life goes on yes.
Is there anything any of you guys have ever wanted out of life other than money (cuz everybody always wants money)? |
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Jun 16, 2005, 02:37 AM
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#21
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Infinity
Posts: 3,682
Rep Power: 0
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Drakon
Ha! Strangely I remember not too long a certain someone posted a thread about his suspicions with his gf "messing" with other guys, being dishonest about it and not knowing what to do. Can't quite remember who it was though. Pretty ironic and yet very amusing, I think... |
True, but lessons learnt. |
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Jun 16, 2005, 02:39 AM
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#22
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Infinity
Posts: 3,682
Rep Power: 0
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by CDsDontBurn
Is there anything any of you guys have ever wanted out of life other than money
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Dont you own a rx8... Go get some speed man, race some punks and laugh when you kick their ass. That will cheer you up. I know it cheers me up. |
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Jun 16, 2005, 02:42 AM
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#23
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Like a Fish
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern California
Posts: 19,495
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