They all grow up.

Falstaff · Nov 12, 2004, 01:12 AM

This week has been very demanding, I returned home to get my parents out of some little problems and set up some support for them when I am away. Dads vision is going and Mom cant keep a house and stay on top of him all day. I put my daughter squarely back into treatment and even paid her bills so she would have to run anymore, my son works two jobs and is desperately in love with a girl that will undoubtedly bear his children soon or perhaps later depending on who you believe, I had just about had enough things to do when I drove to the school I enrolled him in so he could finish his education and stay out of jail. I parked near his Blazer and waited for him to come out of school, full of anxiety and questions I approached him and demanded a explaination, my son calmly put his things in his car and stood there with his arms crossed. He told me not to worry, he loved that girl, and he was grown now, he appreciated everything I had done for him, hugged me and drove away, his girlfriend smiled and waved and he went home with her.....
I was disappointed, I wanted to say so much, wanted to connect again, but my little boy is grown up...and then I just let go...my boy is a man, with his own dreams and his own direction and his own path to take. I sat in my car for while and held the watch I forgot to give him and thought of another excuse to call him again...for those of you that have ever watched your children grow up it was something I never expected, and I should have known all along, kids grow up, they find their own way... I should be proud of him I guess, he is doing it all on his own now. Reminded me of a Harry Chapin song, I like Harry Chapin, the lyrics were good, and I wanted to share this, cause lots of really big things have happened to me lately and I dont want to miss them when they happen, like I did when the kids were young, for you youngsters that have absentee parents, we really do care...we just get to wrapped up in life. Maybe my son did grow up like me afterall, if I can keep him out of the bars and be a good grandfather whenever that happens I guess I have done all I can...

Geminiwave · Nov 12, 2004, 01:36 AM

wow thats crazy man.

My parents are so afraid of me growing up that they sometimes try to keep me younger...I dont know what to do about it except try to humor them. I enrolled in college 2 years early and I have been doing really well in it these 2 years. Its been great...but I am about to turn 18 and I have plans and dreams for my own path. I know my dad would be just as happy to have me out of the house since they have financial problems...but my mom has always been really attatched to me since I am her last son(out of 4)...so honestly I'm scared of making them exprience what your son made you experience...but I know that it will happen sooner rather than later. Maybe all too soon...I dont know.

Just hang in there Jeff...Your boy will make good decisions...or if he doesnt, at least they are his decisions. Even making the wrong choices can feel good if they were your own and no one elses. Be happy that hes found love and that he still loves you.

Drakon · Nov 12, 2004, 02:01 AM

I can understand how both u and ur son feel, jeff. my mom is like that in way. she occasionally tells me that no matter how old i get i'll always be her little boy...

i got to remind her from time to time that i've grown and a lot of the time i need to make my own decisions, even though they may not be the right ones. but look at things this way, at least u're around to help ur son whenever he stumbles and falls. a lot of people including myself rn't that fortunate to have/had a father to be around to help and support at times. really sucks to be honest. but anyways, i guess all u can do is hope/pray (if u do) that he'll make the right decisions in life...

pr0digal jenius · Nov 12, 2004, 02:06 AM

Best of luck jeff, and coem back once you get life back in line. I'm almsot always on MSN, and you have my email.

I've been through hell and back and know exactly how hard it can be on both you and your kids. Drop em a line if ya ever need to talk.

~~HawK~~ · Nov 12, 2004, 04:03 AM

Letting go is hard Jeff I know, but if you don't, they will..
You have raised them as good as you can, learned them all you know, now trust them, as its their live now, just as your parent had to learn to trust you.
Funpart:
When your Kids have children of their own, then you can hug and play & spoil them, without the troubles/work little kids can bring.

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, employ someone, or forbid your children to do it.

~ Monta Crane ~

Geminiwave · Nov 12, 2004, 04:28 PM

Basically it works like this.

If you let them go first, they will still be attached to you..
If you dont let them go and they let YOU go, they'll be disconnected from you.

Falstaff · Nov 12, 2004, 08:45 PM

I hope you all are right, of my two children he is the wildcard, but I thank god he doesnt drink or use drugs anymore, I wish I could say the same about my girl, life sure is hard when you are looking back. The demons of my youth return to haunt me again, through my own children, nothing is easy, you all sure make the load a little lighter, that is the one thing that I can say bout folks here at DH, sometimes you all do give a damn, and I am grateful...

Geminiwave · Nov 13, 2004, 12:26 AM

Hey any time. You've given so much to the community, so why the heck shouldn't we give some back, eh? Dont worry, it sounds like your kid knows what hes doing, and maybe he doesnt have his head screwed on quite right, but if he falls on his face he obviously has a dad whos willing to pick him up and brush him off. He knows it and I'm sure he appreciates it.

Sargentwhitey · Nov 13, 2004, 01:44 AM

Its nice to hear he's doing well.. and I sugges the watch goes to him as a Birthday present.. and of course.. me being 16 cant say I know how it feels to see a child grow up and beomce less attatched.. but.. Im sure he'll do just fine with his life.. as long as you give him a little guidance when he strays off his good path.. he'll be fine

Falstaff · Nov 13, 2004, 08:10 PM

I took my son to the store today, bought him some work clothes, and work shoes, and went over a budget with him assuming he intends to be a father and a provider, it is aweful hard for him to put Nintendo, Xbox and everything else away and face reality. I am going to meet the girls mother and sort this out, I think it is all a ruse to get my son to bail this girl out. Whatever happens, he will have learned a valuable lesson, nothing against grandkids,but he is not ready to raise kids and neither is she...

GutterPunk · Nov 13, 2004, 09:54 PM

Jeff, if you need to go out and have a cup of coffee and talk, you know my #, Ive been busy and noat on msn much, (as you have missed me a share of times). I pray for you and your family, your lovely parents, your daughter and your son. GOD BLESS

mainman · Nov 14, 2004, 03:40 AM

Jeff i am here if you need anything, im sorry i couldnt talk to you early on, i was really busy, work sucks..

..but anyways best of luck for your kid, im sure he will be ok, you just have to learn to let go..life is like that...he will be just fine. Be good my friend, all the best in life for you!! God Bless you and your familly!!

Callandor · Nov 14, 2004, 07:54 AM

Everything will go just fine.

That's one of the reasons why I'm always afraid of thinking about marriage. Sometimes I think I should, then other time's I think maybe it's just better to go solo. The solo life's hard, but I'm still young, so hey, I guess one day I'll end up just like you with a few spawned me's having sprang forth from my loins.

I'll keep you in my prayers dude, take care man.

Falstaff · Nov 15, 2004, 05:51 PM

thanx everyone...time marches on...
perhaps it really is the fire in which we all burn..

Senor_Mota · Nov 15, 2004, 06:39 PM

Seperation Anxiety is one of the hardest emotional and psychological feelings to get through. I remember when my brother went, I was seven years old. I thought if I dwelled on his presence there with me, he would eventually come back. As I got older, I soon realized that's not what he would want. He would want me to have the life I have now because of the strength I gained in knowing he was happier than he would ever be here. Whether you believe in heaven or hell or whatever, you've at least got to think that a suffering 15 year-old Track Star would be a hell of a lot happier being able to run in the nothingness of death rather than lie in a bed constrained by Cancer.

Life's too short to think about the bad things. Enjoy the good ones while you can.

God Bless.

Falstaff · Nov 15, 2004, 09:11 PM

yes I agree, my fathers diabetes has affected his sight so we made a way for him to seen better at home, my mother now has my ex wife to rely on for groceries and other things, my daughter will get the medical attention she needs even if I have to shackle her to the hospital bed. But my son refuses help, he wants to do it all on his own, family or no family. He is an excellent cook and now I am beginning to see that his dream is to be a chef, I wanted to be one too at his age, go figure. I really wanted a sweet government job and travel overseas, but now I am beginning to see that God has plan that might keep me here. My brother is returning from IRAQ for medical tests that may keep him home so he can spend time with my parents after over twenty years of being gone on patrol, life is so wierd man, maybe I just need to step back and let it happen, I dont have control over anything. denial, bargaining and finally acceptence, maybe that is way it should be, but your right, enjoy them while you can. One day they will be gone and I will die alone somewhere with a half empty bottle of Vodka in my lap and an old army blanket wrapped around my body, time to destroy that possible future and get back on the bus of life.

Geminiwave · Nov 15, 2004, 11:56 PM

damn man. you got a raw deal. But seriously dont sweat it so much. just live. I know it sounds lame, but life doesnt have to suck if you dont want it to.

Your son will be fine. Your daughter will too. You love them both, and if they dont know it now, they'll realize it. At least your son isnt loitering around at home with no plan in life.

As for your brother, this may be a blessing if he can stay out of iraq. I just hope that whatever medical tests he has are for something that isnt life threatening.

Falstaff · Nov 16, 2004, 07:11 AM

yeah, the "no plan for life" thing is just what I am worried about, if his girlfriend has a child, my sons whole life changes, he thinks he can continue to play video games and play football he is wrong, when kids show up the whole world changes, its about the children then, he doesnt seem to understand that at all. Or maybe I am just turning into a grumpy old man.

pr0digal jenius · Nov 16, 2004, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fallang_jeff

yeah, the "no plan for life" thing is just what I am worried about, if his girlfriend has a child, my sons whole life changes, he thinks he can continue to play video games and play football he is wrong, when kids show up the whole world changes, its about the children then, he doesnt seem to understand that at all. Or maybe I am just turning into a grumpy old man.

you really aren't...you're absolutely right. Having kids immediately makes your age somethign close to 30 on a responsibility scale, and that does come along with having to find somethign other then nintendo and kool-aid and cheese puffs to do with your life.

Geminiwave · Nov 16, 2004, 05:28 PM

still...just because he DOES have kids, doesnt mean he cant play games anymore. IT just means that he cant make that his life. He needs to be responsible...but theres nothing wrong with playing around too. He just has to discover the line and where it is so he doesnt cross it.

Falstaff · Nov 16, 2004, 05:34 PM

I know it is a control issue with me, and I should allow the kids to make their own mistakes, I can look down the road and just see where they will make their mistakes and I will have to let it happen, and be there as a resource.. letting go is hard.

pr0digal jenius · Nov 16, 2004, 05:46 PM

your job as a parent isnt to prevent failure, it's to be a fallback inc ase of mistakes.....you have to let the mistakes happen though

Geminiwave · Nov 16, 2004, 07:51 PM

right. Good advice pr0digal.

then again, you gotta realize jeff that I am not a parrent and I'm pretty sure pr0d aint either. I'm just going off my expirience of how my parents dealt with me and what worked and what didnt. Also alot of it is basically what seems right for other people I know...but I have no idea just exactly what you are going through. I cant fully comprehend it and I wont be able to until i have kids of my own.