halloween safety rules.

mike2h · Oct 14, 2004, 01:56 PM

The 21 Rules Of Halloween! With Halloween upon us, it
is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help
keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!

Please use these helpful hints this and every year!!

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster,
NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as
a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power
has gone out.

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not know, SHOOT them
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the
long run. However, it will probably take several
rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies
to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair
off and go alone.

6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open
portals to Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or
crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead
as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a
loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET
THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not
check for short circuits; just get out.

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's
probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look
around.

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless
you're sure you know what you're doing.

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip
or fall down at least twice, more if you are female.
Also note that, despite the fact that you are running
and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still
moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination
for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so
on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations,
some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you
recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws
are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in
Maine.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely
road, do not go to he nearby deserted-looking house to
phone for help. If you think that it is strange you
ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a
tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die
anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example:
chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric
carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches,
soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from
deceased companions.

18. If you find that your house is built upon a
cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws.
This also applies to houses that had previous
inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died
in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who
performed satanic practices.

19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise
downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a
flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.

20. Do not mention the names of demons around open
flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially
careful of fireplaces in this regard.

21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland
countryside.