[Dyre Straits]

SIXTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on

the same night.


2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has

not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would

be "meetings."


3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."


4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never

want you to share yours with them.


5. You should not confuse your career with your life.


6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.


7. Never lick a steak knife.


8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.


9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling

reason why we observe daylight savings time.


10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests

that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging

from her at that moment.


11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make

a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.


12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,

religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,

we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.


13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice

person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)


14. Your friends love you anyway.



15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur

built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


FINAL Thought for the day:


Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women

to stomp them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

[merry]

and I've only no. 6 yet to swallow. People usually care about my dancing, especially since I'm 90 kg... uh... old.

[mbeeston]

hahaha

[Markius]

LOL

good one Dyre

[shortstuff]

thanks for the laugh Dyre

[swimtech]

Thanks Dyre, made me laugh

I was a waiter at one time - his comment is true.

[toddsmack2k]

"3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

I believe this ironically describes most of us here and our addiction to DriverHeaven.


"14. Your friends love you anyway."

So true isnt it!




Nice Find Dyre!

[wertret]

Very good one Dyre

[The_Neon_Cowboy]

Originally posted by Dyre Straits
SIXTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests

that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging

from her at that moment.

ROFL

Originally posted by Dyre Straits
SIXTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

I am, I’ve driven professionally, more miles then many can think of for a person my age. I've driven huge trucks, cars, vans, u-haul trucks, station wagons, motor cycles, scooters. I've made split second decisions and actions to avoid collision or accidents. If I had to guess how many I’ve clocked on my own around 150,000+ miles... That’s not even on the job driving to like Toronto Canada, Detroit MI, St. Louis, Nashville TN, Quad cities, all over the freaking place. Not to mention the miles driven during vacations. I started driving to work when and had my own car when I was only 15+. (Got my license at 16 1/2) I’ve always done well.


My girlfriend and I had only been together a little more then a year and she’s already totaled 1 car and one van. I mean total one car she dukes of hazarded. Why do I say that? So the wedged between trees @ 13 feet in the air. The van she slammed into the back of a semi truck @ 55mph. It’s almost coming up on 2 years hopefully she’s learned how to drive. Its really hard when you got all you money tied up in a vehicle I mean expensive new tires and /or hundreds of dollars in parts up keep and then someone totals them

[Saint_K]

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur

built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


I find this one the best

[Logla]

7. Never lick a steak knife.


8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

2 things I discovered for myself last year. The first one was my own fault and stupidity. The second was that I discovered how easy it is to be destructive without realising until it was too late.

[Luck]

The one about dancing is untrue in my opinion.

You know how many times I hear women whine about their bf's dancing like 80's throw-back idiots?


C'mon, even I laugh when I see someone dancing out of rythem and trying too hard.

[drakesteakn]

i like #4.its so true. the world today is full of people like that.

[mainman]

Good one Dyre...

[The_Neon_Cowboy]

Originally posted by Logla
[b]7. Never lick a steak knife.

I used to do that... don't no why the never part. I've never cut myself if thats what it means.

Originally posted by drakesteakn
i like #4.its so true. the world today is full of people like that.

I'd like to edit that one should read like this..............

4. People who want to share their views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.