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Jan 17, 2008, 11:06 AM
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#1 |
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F.U.B.A.R.
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The Chuck Norris jokes thread
these have been quite popular lately. put up the ones you've heard and share with everybody!
Chuck Norris is so awesome, that Jesus wears a WWCND (What Would Chuck Norris Do) bracelet. Every day before going to sleep, the Boogy Man checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't use condoms when having sex because there is no such thing as "protection" from Chuck Norris. |
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Jan 17, 2008, 04:03 PM
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#2 | |
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DriverHeaven Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 817
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Quote:
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Jan 17, 2008, 04:19 PM
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#3 | |
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F.U.B.A.R.
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Quote:
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Jan 17, 2008, 05:49 PM
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#4 |
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DriverHeaven Senior Member
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Don't mind John, sometimes it takes jokes a trip or two around the block before he catches them :P
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Jan 17, 2008, 07:09 PM
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#5 | |
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DH's Latest Mac Convert
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Quote:
chuck norris/vin diesel jokes have been around for years  some are still pretty funny though |
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Jan 17, 2008, 07:11 PM
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#6 |
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DriverHeaven Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,347
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please tell me your not trying to bring chuck jokes back... let them RIP
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Jan 17, 2008, 08:37 PM
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#7 |
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F.U.B.A.R.
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he's still alive!
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Jan 17, 2008, 08:49 PM
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#8 |
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DriverHeaven Senior Member
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Chuck Norris jokes are so old, even Chuck Norris thinks they should die out.
/thread |
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Jan 17, 2008, 09:30 PM
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#9 |
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...just bummin 'round
![[hobo]eclipse's Avatar](http://www.driverheaven.net/customavatars/avatar68225_7.gif){kind=avatar}
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 Chuck Norris is so tough, Mike Huchabee wants him outa the CIA and shadowing him at all times. |
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Jan 21, 2008, 01:11 PM
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#10 |
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DriverHeaven Senior Member
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Just a few from my Chuck Archive!
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Chuck Norris and forgot to pay him back. Chuck Norris can count backwards from infinity. Crop circles are Chuck's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down. When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck instead. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh*t. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. Chuck Norris is the reason why Wally is hiding. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass at night. You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children. Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Chuck replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. Whenever Chuck Norris puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence. Chuck Norris haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Chuck Norris punched himself in the face. Last edited by Al_Vampyre; Jan 21, 2008 at 01:13 PM. Reason: Tidy Up |
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Jan 21, 2008, 01:22 PM
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#11 |
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Epic Phail at Lief
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Chuck Norris once visit the virgin islands, they are now the islands.
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Jan 22, 2008, 02:41 AM
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#12 |
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F.U.B.A.R.
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@ Vampy: those are great!
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