things that hallmark cards dont say... but should

mike2h · Nov 9, 2007, 11:32 AM

[COLOR=#ff8000][COLOR=#FF8000]////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]M[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]y tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!
[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#004000][COLOR=#004000]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]H[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]eard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#8080ff][COLOR=#8080FF] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]L[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]ooking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

'What the hell was I thinking?'

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=red][COLOR=red] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]C[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]ongratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=red][COLOR=red] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]H[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]ow could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=yellow][COLOR=yellow] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]I[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'ve always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.
[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue]-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]I[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]A[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]s the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#80ffff][COLOR=#80FFFF] ################################################## ##[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]C[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]ongratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out o f my back?

You'll probably need it again.

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]************************************************** ******************************[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]H[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]appy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=lime][COLOR=lime]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]H[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]appy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#0000a0][COLOR=#0000A0] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]W[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]hen we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]W[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]e have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=fuchsia][COLOR=fuchsia]++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]I[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'m so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]================================================== ===[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]C[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]ongratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#ff80c0][COLOR=#FF80C0] %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]Y[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]our friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue])))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]S[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]o your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay. [/COLOR][/COLOR]

Senor_Mota · Nov 9, 2007, 12:05 PM

Dude, where the hell do you get this stuff? PRICELESS!!!

Tinkerhell · Nov 9, 2007, 05:39 PM

Nice, last one's the best. hehehe

Da_Jewish_Fonzy · Nov 9, 2007, 10:04 PM

This would be a handy Sympathy Card,

Sorry I was not there when you woke up,
I didn't realize How fat you were when we were drunk

Falstaff · Nov 10, 2007, 12:59 PM

Go ahead
pull my finger..

Da_Jewish_Fonzy · Nov 10, 2007, 08:19 PM

My Dearest Sympathy,

I Forgot to mention I have herpes

**Mousey** · Nov 11, 2007, 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Da_Jewish_Hornet

My Dearest Sympathy,

I Forgot to mention I have herpes

You've spoiled it now

The second one was the best ;p

riles9262 · Nov 11, 2007, 12:58 PM

Those are good

**kris23** · Nov 11, 2007, 01:29 PM

nice man

Nov 9, 2007, 11:32 AM	#1
mike2h DriverHeaven Extreme Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: norcal Posts: 6,489 Rep Power: 74 System Specs	things that hallmark cards dont say... but should [COLOR=#ff8000][COLOR=#FF8000]////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]M[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]y tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#004000][COLOR=#004000]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]H[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]eard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me. [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#8080ff][COLOR=#8080FF] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]L[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]ooking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... 'What the hell was I thinking?' [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=red][COLOR=red] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]C[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]ongratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband. [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=red][COLOR=red] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]H[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]ow could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby? [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=yellow][COLOR=yellow] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]I[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you .. I've changed my mind. [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue]-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]I[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]A[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]s the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me. [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#80ffff][COLOR=#80FFFF] ################################################## ##[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]C[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]ongratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out o f my back? You'll probably need it again. [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]********************************************** **************************[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]H[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]appy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia) [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=lime][COLOR=lime] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]H[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]appy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike! [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#0000a0][COLOR=#0000A0] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]W[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]hen we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise. [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]W[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]e have been friends for a very long time .. let's say we stop? [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=fuchsia][COLOR=fuchsia]++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]I[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]'m so miserable without you it's almost like you're here. [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]================================================== ===[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]C[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]ongratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#ff80c0][COLOR=#FF80C0] %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]Y[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]our friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep. [/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue])))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]S[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]o your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay. [/COLOR][/COLOR] __________________

Nov 9, 2007, 05:39 PM	#3
Tinkerhell Not all fairies are nice. Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 975 Rep Power: 28	Nice, last one's the best. hehehe __________________ Stupidity should be painful if not terminal. Darwin for Sainthood!!

Nov 10, 2007, 12:59 PM	#5
Falstaff Old Codger Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USAFA Posts: 18,135 Rep Power: 130	Go ahead pull my finger.. __________________ The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the scythe.

Nov 11, 2007, 01:29 PM	#9
kris23 Going Insane..... Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 5,305 Rep Power: 64 System Specs	nice man __________________ Driverheaven Super-Moderator Building a new computer system and not sure where to start? Click Here! last updated (9/4/09) New i5 systems with more to come! Building a PC: Step by Step Guide Written by Kristopher Pedemonte and Nathan Marks-Forder Edited by Allan Campbell Questions or Comments? feel free to post them in the forums!

Nov 9, 2007, 12:05 PM	#2
Senor_Mota 悪魔の方法 Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: The Muck and the Mire, Idaho Posts: 2,041 Rep Power: 44	Dude, where the hell do you get this stuff? PRICELESS!!!

Nov 9, 2007, 10:04 PM	#4
Da_Jewish_Fonzy Me>You Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Da Hood Posts: 507 Rep Power: 0	This would be a handy Sympathy Card, Sorry I was not there when you woke up, I didn't realize How fat you were when we were drunk

Nov 10, 2007, 08:19 PM	#6
Da_Jewish_Fonzy Me>You Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Da Hood Posts: 507 Rep Power: 0	My Dearest Sympathy, I Forgot to mention I have herpes

Nov 11, 2007, 12:58 PM	#8
riles9262 Driverheaven brewmaster Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: British Columbia, Canada Posts: 4,839 Rep Power: 55 System Specs	Those are good __________________ A beer a day keeps the doctor away.