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Nov 17, 2004, 09:56 PM
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#1
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Floatin'...
Posts: 4,958
Rep Power: 37
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Jump!
Well gang, this is my 2nd poem. It's not about an experience i had or plan to have anytime soon, but the idea just popped in my head one day listening to music. So please let me know what u guys think... 
[color=white]JUMP![/color]
[color=white]Jump![/color]
[color=white]Standing here at the edge[/color]
[color=white]Debating my life’s end[/color]
[color=white]All eyes fixed on me[/color]
[color=white]Finding it hard to breathe[/color]
[color=white]Jump![/color]
[color=white]The cruel wind cutting my face[/color]
[color=white]My torn heart beginning to race[/color]
[color=white]Feeling the emptiness inside[/color]
[color=white]Trying my best not to cry[/color]
[color=white]Jump![/color]
[color=white]How could you have done this to me?[/color]
[color=white]How could you have treated me that way?[/color]
[color=white]You said that you loved me[/color]
[color=white]But yet you let him lead you away[/color]
[color=white]Jump!![/color]
[color=white]Oh God, why does this have to happen?[/color]
[color=white]Why can’t you make the pain go away?[/color]
[color=white]Why does it have to be like this?[/color]
[color=white]Why does it have to end this way?[/color]
[color=white]Jump!![/color]
[color=white]Blood rushing quickly to my head[/color]
[color=white]My body preparing for the end[/color]
[color=white]With one final breath my heart gave in[/color]
[color=white]Lusting deeply for my concrete grave[/color]
[color=white]For crying out loud, JUMP!!![/color]
[color=white]And so with my eyes shut I finally did[/color] |
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Nov 17, 2004, 10:20 PM
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#2
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VETUS INFLATIO
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Red Lodge UK
Posts: 15,987
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damn dude....reminds me of a video...very dark. have you ever seen Glenn Danzigs work?
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Nov 17, 2004, 10:49 PM
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#3
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Delete Me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,676
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already proofreaded it..but I'll say it publically...very nice |
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Nov 17, 2004, 11:01 PM
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#4
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Floatin'...
Posts: 4,958
Rep Power: 37
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thanks guys... |
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Nov 17, 2004, 11:09 PM
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#5
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DriverHeaven Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 2,772
Rep Power: 0
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Ummm, that was an impressive read - created a nice graphical story in my mind there, had some pretty creepy, dark images! Good work! I encourage you to make another!
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Nov 17, 2004, 11:15 PM
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#6
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DriverHeaven Extreme Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Floatin'...
Posts: 4,958
Rep Power: 37
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Funky Monkey
Ummm, that was an impressive read - created a nice graphical story in my mind there, had some pretty creepy, dark images! Good work! I encourage you to make another!
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thanks, i do have another one in the works... |
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