Are you an asshole?

PH3N0M · Jun 30, 2009, 05:31 PM

I am an asshole.

It took me a while to finally realize it, but that statement is nothing shy of the truth. Sure, I hold the door for people, I help people when I can...but that is the extent of my "good samaritan" actions. I piss on the seat when I use public toilets. I will drink your last beer. I've never been in a committed relationship. If I found a wallet on the ground, I'd take the money and throw the wallet in the trash. I park in handicap spaces. I always find an easy out. I think I'm better than you. I don't tip. I will tell you when something makes you look fat. I will check out your hot friends right in front of you. I do what I want, when I want.

I am an asshole.

Here are some more facts to further support my asshole persona. Loving and leaving is my second nature...actually I'm so good at it that it might be my first nature. I won't call you. Conversations lasting more than 5 minutes bore me. I have a lot on my plate, and you will never be my number 1 priority (the lucky ones might rank around 3 or 4). I hate your cat. When I use the last of the toilet paper, I leave the cardboard roll on the spool. I drink too much. When I throw random objects, I'm actually hoping I put someone's eye out. I still think I'm better than you.

I am an asshole.

I never use the word love unless its between the hours of 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. I have the mouth of a sailor which will never fail to shine in front of your parents, grandparents, preacher, etc. I voted for McCain. I enjoy having fun at other people's expense. You are not famous...so, if you ever ask me to rate you, be prepared because the number will be below 5. I let people know how terrible their fashion sense is when their closet consists of nothing except t-shirts and elastic banded pants. Being fat is not an excuse, it is a problem. Get off your fat ass for something more than a trip to Wal-Mart. If your cooking sucks, you will know. If you ever leave your dog in your car, then wonder why the inside of your car is torn to all hell when you come out of the store...its because I was standing at your window doing everything I possibly could to provoke the little tyke. I still think I'm better than you.

I am an asshole.

I know that I'm incredibly handsome, and have references to prove such. Secrets don't exist as far as I'm concerned...so that amazing (or extremely poor) sexual performance you gave last night will be the first thing my friends and I discuss. I might even tell the Wal-Mart greeter. I hate kids...not some kids...ALL of them. Babies make me nauseous. I am good at everything I do. I believe that diseases that cause people to be over-weight are conspiracies. The doctors simply made these up because they're not nice enough to let you know just how lazy and disgusting you really are, for fear that you will kill yourself. Since I'm an asshole, I could care less. I argue for the sake of arguing. I'm never wrong. I'm always judging you. I still think I'm better than you.

Chaos · Jun 30, 2009, 05:35 PM

well now that you got that off your chest.... What up dude

Tyrsonswood · Jun 30, 2009, 05:37 PM

I thought this was going to be a quiz.......

cozumel · Jun 30, 2009, 05:43 PM

I'm not too sure how to respond...

Robert McClelland · Jun 30, 2009, 05:47 PM

I thought someone was swearing :P 5700 posted woopie

SeraphicSorcerer · Jun 30, 2009, 05:49 PM

Damn I came into say HELL YES!

But apparently he's an asshole.

Falstaff · Jun 30, 2009, 06:25 PM

just on a lighter note.
you should listen to the song from Frank Zappa
Broken Hearts are for Assholes.

Frank Zappa tribute song

actual Zappa video..
(personal fave)

please have a laugh and dont take things too seriously.

OldBuzzard · Jun 30, 2009, 07:51 PM

I prefer David Allen Coe myself

YouTube - Asshole by David Allen Coel

Falstaff · Jun 30, 2009, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OldBuzzard

I prefer David Allen Coe myself

damn, you beat me to it..LOL

SeraphicSorcerer · Jun 30, 2009, 08:19 PM

hahaha.. This thread is becoming epic.

Keep firing, assholes!

Mac Daddy · Jun 30, 2009, 09:01 PM

Awesome thread and the first post is a knacker !!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qn9FlD_IPOE

CDsDontBurn · Jun 30, 2009, 09:37 PM

only when i want to be

Falstaff · Jun 30, 2009, 11:46 PM

This is more like it....

EcPercy · Jul 1, 2009, 07:12 AM

HAHAHAHAHA!!! That's tight man! I came in to say that I was an asshole too, but apparently I fall a little short and need to work on being more of an asshole!

Tinkerhell · Jul 1, 2009, 12:10 PM

Hmmm, a good deal of that sounds personally familiar. It would probably bother me but I'm often an asshole so it doesn't.

vicsrealms · Jul 1, 2009, 12:40 PM

Sounds like something from Team America World Police. There are three types of people in the world. Dicks, assholes, and pussies......etc.

swimtech · Jul 1, 2009, 01:10 PM

If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet,
stomp stomp
If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet,
stomp stomp
If you're an assh... and you know it then your face will really show it.
If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet!

If you're an assh... and you know it shout hooray,
Hooray!
If you're an assh... and you know it shout hooray,
Hooray!
If you're an assh... and you...

C'mon - everybody sing!!!

Falstaff · Jul 1, 2009, 02:16 PM

its not the size of your asshole
its what you do with it...

cyclop123 · Jul 13, 2009, 05:22 AM

Lol i feel emo

**Mousey** · Jul 13, 2009, 07:44 AM

That's not being an asshole, that's being a realist. Pessimism is the thought train of logical people like you and me. Optimism is for people that like to be disappointed; Maybe they get their kicks out of somethin turning out poorly?

One hell of a post man

OmegaRED · Jul 13, 2009, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mac Daddy

Awesome thread and the first post is a knacker !!

YouTube - Denis Leary - Asshole: Censored Version

I was just about to give you assholes some shit for not posting this song but then I read your post. That song is classic!

Falstaff · Jul 13, 2009, 08:04 AM

every other oriface in the body can fail to funciton temorarily, but if the asshole does you could die..LOL
everyone needs an asshole
the world needs assholes

pigdog · Jul 13, 2009, 08:31 AM

When I was a kid, if I showed a lack of interest in food, my mother would tell me

"That if you don't eat; you don't shit; and if you don't shit - you die".

So I learned, from a very young age, that assholes are very important.

**Mousey** · Jul 13, 2009, 08:38 AM

Oh god now we're going into the importance of assholes, can we keep them off the net though?

Falstaff · Jul 13, 2009, 08:56 AM

You should listen to Joes Garage by Frank Zappa Mousey, good stuff.

Simmie · Sep 7, 2009, 06:11 PM

dunno wat 2 say really

Dude111 · Sep 7, 2009, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyrsonswood

I thought this was going to be a quiz.......

Hehe me too

Dude111 · Sep 10, 2009, 05:25 PM

I found the quiz!

http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/new/pick...you-an-asshole

My results "You scored GOODY GOODY"

(I didnt think i was one)

~~RE III - Frankie~~ · Sep 11, 2009, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyrsonswood

I thought this was going to be a quiz.......

Same here.

NUCLEARWINTER · Sep 11, 2009, 07:56 PM

i too am a bit of an asshole. but congrats on your prowess!

Jun 30, 2009, 05:31 PM	#1
PH3N0M The Master of Sarcasm Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: The U.S. of A Posts: 341 Rep Power: 20 System Specs	Are you an asshole? I am an asshole. It took me a while to finally realize it, but that statement is nothing shy of the truth. Sure, I hold the door for people, I help people when I can...but that is the extent of my "good samaritan" actions. I piss on the seat when I use public toilets. I will drink your last beer. I've never been in a committed relationship. If I found a wallet on the ground, I'd take the money and throw the wallet in the trash. I park in handicap spaces. I always find an easy out. I think I'm better than you. I don't tip. I will tell you when something makes you look fat. I will check out your hot friends right in front of you. I do what I want, when I want. I am an asshole. Here are some more facts to further support my asshole persona. Loving and leaving is my second nature...actually I'm so good at it that it might be my first nature. I won't call you. Conversations lasting more than 5 minutes bore me. I have a lot on my plate, and you will never be my number 1 priority (the lucky ones might rank around 3 or 4). I hate your cat. When I use the last of the toilet paper, I leave the cardboard roll on the spool. I drink too much. When I throw random objects, I'm actually hoping I put someone's eye out. I still think I'm better than you. I am an asshole. I never use the word love unless its between the hours of 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. I have the mouth of a sailor which will never fail to shine in front of your parents, grandparents, preacher, etc. I voted for McCain. I enjoy having fun at other people's expense. You are not famous...so, if you ever ask me to rate you, be prepared because the number will be below 5. I let people know how terrible their fashion sense is when their closet consists of nothing except t-shirts and elastic banded pants. Being fat is not an excuse, it is a problem. Get off your fat ass for something more than a trip to Wal-Mart. If your cooking sucks, you will know. If you ever leave your dog in your car, then wonder why the inside of your car is torn to all hell when you come out of the store...its because I was standing at your window doing everything I possibly could to provoke the little tyke. I still think I'm better than you. I am an asshole. I know that I'm incredibly handsome, and have references to prove such. Secrets don't exist as far as I'm concerned...so that amazing (or extremely poor) sexual performance you gave last night will be the first thing my friends and I discuss. I might even tell the Wal-Mart greeter. I hate kids...not some kids...ALL of them. Babies make me nauseous. I am good at everything I do. I believe that diseases that cause people to be over-weight are conspiracies. The doctors simply made these up because they're not nice enough to let you know just how lazy and disgusting you really are, for fear that you will kill yourself. Since I'm an asshole, I could care less. I argue for the sake of arguing. I'm never wrong. I'm always judging you. I still think I'm better than you. __________________

Jun 30, 2009, 05:35 PM	#2
Chaos Number Nine Join Date: May 2002 Location: Nova Scotia Posts: 5,140 Rep Power: 92 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? well now that you got that off your chest.... What up dude __________________

Jun 30, 2009, 05:37 PM	#3
Tyrsonswood DH's curmudgeon Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rustbelt, Ohio Posts: 4,619 Rep Power: 111 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? I thought this was going to be a quiz....... __________________ "Band" sites.... not really bands because it's just me...... http://www.myspace.com/chromecrow http://www.myspace.com/zoneblues

Jun 30, 2009, 05:43 PM	#4
cozumel I'm dangerous but cute... Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Under the waves... Posts: 3,619 Rep Power: 42 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? I'm not too sure how to respond... __________________ Don't worry about money - Be a beach bum! Scuba Rocks

Jun 30, 2009, 05:47 PM	#5
Robert McClelland PAX Tweaker, PAX Expert. Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Some Where in Ohio Posts: 6,292 Rep Power: 102 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? I thought someone was swearing :P 5700 posted woopie __________________ "XTREME AUDIO IS CRAP!" "There no support for it. It's crapist card on face of the earth it should be throw into the sun"

Jun 30, 2009, 05:49 PM	#6
SeraphicSorcerer Driverheaven's Sorcerer Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 981 Rep Power: 68 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? Damn I came into say HELL YES! But apparently he's an asshole. __________________

Jun 30, 2009, 06:25 PM	#7
Falstaff Romantic Fool Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Colorado Springs, CO. Posts: 18,091 Rep Power: 130	Re: Are you an asshole? just on a lighter note. you should listen to the song from Frank Zappa Broken Hearts are for Assholes. Frank Zappa tribute song actual Zappa video.. (personal fave) please have a laugh and dont take things too seriously. __________________ Preferred DNS Server 208.67.222.222 Alternate DNS Server 208.67.220.220

Jun 30, 2009, 07:51 PM	#8
OldBuzzard DH's oldest Geek? Join Date: May 2003 Location: Cincinnati, OH Posts: 2,151 Rep Power: 81 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? I prefer David Allen Coe myself YouTube - Asshole by David Allen Coel __________________ When looking for a reason as to why things go wrong, never rule out sheer STUPIDITY Last edited by OldBuzzard; Jun 30, 2009 at 07:58 PM.

Jun 30, 2009, 08:19 PM	#10
SeraphicSorcerer Driverheaven's Sorcerer Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 981 Rep Power: 68 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? hahaha.. This thread is becoming epic. Keep firing, assholes! __________________

Jun 30, 2009, 09:01 PM	#11
Mac Daddy DriverHeaven Extreme Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 7,950 Rep Power: 64 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? Awesome thread and the first post is a knacker !! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qn9FlD_IPOE __________________ "My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance." - Tim Allen

Jun 30, 2009, 09:37 PM	#12
CDsDontBurn 127.0.0.1 Join Date: May 2003 Location: Southern California Posts: 21,842 Rep Power: 133 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? only when i want to be __________________ CD's Corner // Her first day // A year later // RX-8 Club 3Dmark06 - 4176 // 3Dmark05 - 7459 // 3Dmark03 - 14289 // PCmark05 - 4453 // PCmark04 - 6297

Jun 30, 2009, 11:46 PM	#13
Falstaff Romantic Fool Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Colorado Springs, CO. Posts: 18,091 Rep Power: 130	Re: Are you an asshole? This is more like it.... __________________ Preferred DNS Server 208.67.222.222 Alternate DNS Server 208.67.220.220

Jul 1, 2009, 07:12 AM	#14
EcPercy DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Iraq Posts: 1,524 Rep Power: 48	Re: Are you an asshole? HAHAHAHAHA!!! That's tight man! I came in to say that I was an asshole too, but apparently I fall a little short and need to work on being more of an asshole!

Jul 1, 2009, 12:10 PM	#15
Tinkerhell Not all fairies are nice. Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 969 Rep Power: 27	Re: Are you an asshole? Hmmm, a good deal of that sounds personally familiar. It would probably bother me but I'm often an asshole so it doesn't. __________________ Stupidity should be painful if not terminal. Darwin for Sainthood!!

Jul 1, 2009, 12:40 PM	#16
vicsrealms DriverHeaven Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Texas, US Posts: 58 Rep Power: 4 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? Sounds like something from Team America World Police. There are three types of people in the world. Dicks, assholes, and pussies......etc.

Jul 1, 2009, 01:10 PM	#17
swimtech At Your Service... Join Date: May 2002 Location: North Carolina Posts: 3,989 Rep Power: 100 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet, stomp stomp If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet, stomp stomp If you're an assh... and you know it then your face will really show it. If you're an assh... and you know it stomp your feet! If you're an assh... and you know it shout hooray, Hooray! If you're an assh... and you know it shout hooray, Hooray! If you're an assh... and you... C'mon - everybody sing!!! __________________ It's not so much getting your way that matters or not - what matters is how you go about getting it.

Jul 1, 2009, 02:16 PM	#18
Falstaff Romantic Fool Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Colorado Springs, CO. Posts: 18,091 Rep Power: 130	Re: Are you an asshole? its not the size of your asshole its what you do with it... __________________ Preferred DNS Server 208.67.222.222 Alternate DNS Server 208.67.220.220

Jul 13, 2009, 05:22 AM	#19
cyclop123 DriverHeaven Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 23 Rep Power: 0	Re: Are you an asshole? Lol i feel emo

Jul 13, 2009, 07:44 AM	#20
Mousey Bang. Bang. Bang. Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 5,315 Rep Power: 104 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? That's not being an asshole, that's being a realist. Pessimism is the thought train of logical people like you and me. Optimism is for people that like to be disappointed; Maybe they get their kicks out of somethin turning out poorly? One hell of a post man __________________ Visit hardWIRED Free Lockerz invites! PM Me with your email! Who we are, is but a stepping stone to what we can become.

Jul 13, 2009, 08:04 AM	#22
Falstaff Romantic Fool Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Colorado Springs, CO. Posts: 18,091 Rep Power: 130	Re: Are you an asshole? every other oriface in the body can fail to funciton temorarily, but if the asshole does you could die..LOL everyone needs an asshole the world needs assholes __________________ Preferred DNS Server 208.67.222.222 Alternate DNS Server 208.67.220.220

Jul 13, 2009, 08:31 AM	#23
pigdog DriverHeaven Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 430 Rep Power: 40 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? When I was a kid, if I showed a lack of interest in food, my mother would tell me "That if you don't eat; you don't shit; and if you don't shit - you die". So I learned, from a very young age, that assholes are very important. __________________

Jul 13, 2009, 08:38 AM	#24
Mousey Bang. Bang. Bang. Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 5,315 Rep Power: 104 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? Oh god now we're going into the importance of assholes, can we keep them off the net though? __________________ Visit hardWIRED Free Lockerz invites! PM Me with your email! Who we are, is but a stepping stone to what we can become.

Jul 13, 2009, 08:56 AM	#25
Falstaff Romantic Fool Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Colorado Springs, CO. Posts: 18,091 Rep Power: 130	Re: Are you an asshole? You should listen to Joes Garage by Frank Zappa Mousey, good stuff. __________________ Preferred DNS Server 208.67.222.222 Alternate DNS Server 208.67.220.220

Sep 7, 2009, 06:11 PM	#26
Simmie DriverHeaven Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Botswana Posts: 31 Rep Power: 2	Re: Are you an asshole? dunno wat 2 say really

Sep 10, 2009, 05:25 PM	#28
Dude111 DriverHeaven Lover Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 177 Rep Power: 14	I found the quiz! http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/new/pick...you-an-asshole My results "You scored GOODY GOODY" (I didnt think i was one) Last edited by Dude111; Oct 13, 2009 at 07:17 PM.

Sep 11, 2009, 07:56 PM	#30
NUCLEARWINTER Reap What You Sow. Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Louisville, Kentucky Posts: 1,044 Rep Power: 32 System Specs	Re: Are you an asshole? i too am a bit of an asshole. but congrats on your prowess! __________________ insert witty comment here!