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Old Jan 28, 2008, 12:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
Maddogg6
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Bernyurass, AZ - USA
Posts: 3,668
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First off - it all depends on *all* parties involved. Some people *may* be involved you may not realize yet.... and I assume you *are* considering either marriage or some other long term commitment together (ie - buy a house together - tho its not usually recommended to do so in most cases with out marriage)

FAMILY / CLERGY (maybe even friends??).... some 'deeply religious' parents/family may resent their child and/or child's spouse because of their differences in faith or decision to marry. It could go either way.
Ive seen some shun the 'outsider' - converting won't always gain their respect either - depends on the people involved.

Why did I include 'clergy'? Some used to go and ask their clergy for permission to so much as attend a wedding outside of their faith - some may say 'ok' some may not. Some may adhere to that decision, some may not.
Consider:
'I am crushed, my own family & friends didn't show up to our reception - I knew they wouldn't go to the wedding, but...'

Some religious types may not be vocal about a bf/gf - but when a 'marriage' is announced.... things may change....

she may even think - 'I dont care if may family disowns me' - now, but what about a family member passes away and its too late to 'fix' their relationship? - this *can* be devastating to some/many (in case of a parent) who didn't *honestly* consider these things.

Note: I doubt your presumed non-religious family would not discriminate against a religious person - thus why my references are to 'her' side of her family - from what I seen its the heavily religious ones who tend to discriminate this way.
I presume because she is heavily religious, her parents/family are as well)
But you may need to consider your family as well too... ?? Tho, you are likely already aware of their position on your relationship... you may still need to consider it if you wish to have a relationship with them as well.

Not that these things would definitively rip apart a relationship/marriage ... but it could definitely add additional strain on an institution thats already got a ~50% success rate.

If it were me - I would ask her family's permission for marriage (assuming she is close to her family - talk to the one she is closest to first maybe) this will fill you in on their point of view. Their reaction will say a lot about how you will be treated later. You may already have been clued in - did you ignore the clues?? (rhetorical Q - its easy to ignore when 'all we need is love' sounds so much better - tho, *not* always the reality)

Good luck and of course - don't assume the worse - just prepare for it and your chances of making it work will be much better.

TALK ABOUT IT FIRST - when talking marriage - too often equates to...
'Where do we live?'
'Where do we honeymoon?'

things that make almost no difference *after* the honeymoon is over. To me - marriage talk sounds more like....

'If you were forced to choose me or your family - what would you do?'

'If no one showed up to our wedding - how would you feel?'

'What do you tell your clergy when he finds out you got married outside of his church?'

'Do I need to join the church so we can be married in it? - whats involved exactly?'

'What would happen if we get married against _______ advise? - how would this affect us and our relationship?'
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